October 31, 2010

Creature Features: IT Came from Citizens United!

Aren't you glad Hallowe'en will be over in a matter of hours? Can't end too soon for your Projectionist.

Today we come (thankfully) to the end of our barrel of conservative agenda movie trailers and teasers. And today, I've saved the baddest for last: a trio from (drumroll, please)…





Citizens United.

That would be all I need say, save for the fact that David Bossie's group is about more than sly money used to grease the wheels of conservative politics in the States. It's about making expensive (to me at least) agenda flicks that, when they don't take pot shots at famous people (not just Michael Moore, but also Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama), rail against all they see as wrong with their belovéd America. (Never mind that America, when viewed on a globe, is one big, three–part continent where you're expected to get along with your neighbors. But who needs that pesky fact when you can be busy making flicks like Border War?)

Ah, but elections happen in two days, so this time we'll give you previews for the three DVDs they have been pushing online in recent weeks — starting first with Generation Zero:


©2010 Citizens United Productions No. 1, L.L.C.

Not shivering yet? How about a peek at Battle for America?


©2010 Citizens United.

Got the chills now? Time for the creepiest of the lot, Fire from the Heartland: The Awakening of the Conservative Woman:


©2010 Citizens United / Victory Media.

Gonna dare yourself to order these discs? Do so, and… you become ONE OF THEM! (Demonic laughter in the background.)

No, seriously, you can't buy these videos and not accept Citizens United membership. I checked.

It's scary enough to watch these guys make monster movies. Watching them is even scarier, because the horror (for lack of a better word) "creeps" over you bit by bit.

But enough for another year, everyone. Try to enjoy 31 October. And, please, as Radio New York International's Pirate Joe would tell listeners: "Don't! Vote! Republican!"

Seriously, though, please vote with your head. See you at the polls.

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